Haven’t you wondered why do all the romantic movies and novels end at the point where after a long struggle, finally the man and woman fall in love with each other and they decide to spend the rest of their lives together?
Maybe the writers of novels and movies know it for better than falling in love is easy, anybody can do that, staying in love is a different story.
“Love is not enough.”
Yes, love is important but not enough for a successful relationship. At least the kind of romantic love that permeates at the beginning of a relationship hasn’t proved enough to keep healthy and harmonious marriages.
In most developed countries, couples marry because they fell in love with each other. But what happens to most of those marriages? If a marriage that started with love ends in divorce, is that because over a period love fades? Can real love fade? And if it fades, was it at all love?
We have all heard it said hundreds of times that, love is eternal and love is unconditional. But we must not confuse that with the romantic love which is found at the beginning of a relationship between couples. Romantic love is definitely conditional, romantic feeling for the person is the first condition. And it sure is not eternal, as it can’t face the challenges of creating a successful partnership.
As an astrologer, I have a great opportunity to meet couples from different countries and listening to the story of each side has convinced me that just because you feel love to a person, it is not enough to create a functional and deeper relationship.
Having met and observed thousands of couples in the last 20 years of my work, I have some conclusions that I am glad to share here.
Two factors of harmonious relations
While there are many factors that make up a successful marriage, among most of such couples, the two things I found most common are – the balance of exchanged energy and mutual respect.
The balance of exchanged energy
Most couples who’ve lived together long enough and still feeling the joy of being together, they have one thing in common – a feeling of balanced exchange of energy.
“It may appear crude and rude to say, but it is true that any relationship and especially marriage or any form of sincere relationship is ultimately a business. In business, there are two parties wanting to exchange products or services in exchange for money. And as long as both parties feel that what they are getting is fair in exchange of what they are giving, the business continues in harmony. However, if one of the parties suddenly feel that they are being over-charged or that they are underpaid in reference to what they are giving that such a situation creates a feeling of being cheated. “
A marriage or a sincere relationship is based on an unwritten agreement and the commodities exchanged here are care, love, attention, trust, security, support. As long as the exchange is fair, the marriage stays in harmony. The day one of the partners gets this idea that they aren’t receiving enough care, support or attention, a crack is formed in the relationship. Haven’t you heard anyone arguing with wife or husband that I am doing so much but I get nothing in return…
Before most of the breakdown of the relationship, they go through this phase of imbalanced exchange of energy, which makes the partner feel cheated.
Another factor that you will invariably notice among couples who have been able to create and maintain a stable, harmonious relationship over a long period is what I call ‘mutual respect’. In such couples, in spite of being together for decades, they maintain a high regard for the partner. With high regard, love stays.
In my consultations, I hear a lot of times that ‘I can’t love my husband/wife’ anymore. There is no love left. No love left? No love left!
As if love could fade away. No, it’s not always about love. More often, it is about respect. A simple fact is that you can’t love someone you can’t respect. The respect here is not in a sense that we feel to a teacher or a person in high-power or someone with great achievements. Respect here is in the sense that you value him or her, you feel he or she is someone that really matters to you. Most people feel that as ‘being taken for granted’.
Remember the time when you fall in love with someone, that’s the time when you saw that person as someone special and hence holds a special place for that person. Over time, that sense of specialness goes away and in our own mind, we put that person from a high-platform on to a low-ground. What actually happens is for whatever reasons, we stop respecting the partner, we start considering that person as just another thing present around me. And if that happens, if you no longer respect the partner, how in the world are you going to love that person?
Creating lasting, deep relationships
Creating long lasting and deep relationships take much more than falling in love. It is a partnership and like any partnership, there has to be compatibility of partners. The system of Vedic astrology has some fantastic tools to check the compatibility of two individuals. Two seemingly nice individuals may not turn out to be great partners.
Of course there are so many parameters to use in order to check the compatibility of partners, but if I have to narrow down to only a few for the sake of this article, then they would be these there most important factors that I mostly use combined with the principles of Vedic astrology – compatibility of core values, balance of masculine and feminine energy and compatibility of temperaments.
Compatibility of core values
Any passionate romance cannot stand the challenges that are posed by incompetent core values. Everyone, including the most industrious and the laziest, the passionate and the lousy, the successful and the failure, everyone has core values – these are thing things they believe in the heart of their heart to be most important to them.
If you look closely, whatever we do in life, whatever we are after in life, any goal that we have, be it becomes richer, powerful, successful or for that matter, any achievement is simply a vehicle that takes us to the desired state – which could be security, prosperity, joy, love, peace, worthiness etc. A person who is pursuing security and stability in life will be in constant anxiety if their partner’s core values are an adventure and instant gratification.
It is possible to fall in love with someone who has totally opposite values, but it is not possible to live with such a person for any long time.
The balance of masculine and feminine energy
The way nature is, any relationship can happen only between a masculine partner and a feminine partner. Masculine and feminine in this context are not about gender but they are states of energy – the active and initiating masculine and the passive and responding feminine. It is not necessary that a man has to be mescaline and a woman has to be feminine.
Two people with more or less equal masculine energy or equal feminine energy can’t form any relationship, not even a proper friendship, forget about a romantic relationship or a successful marriage. This is very evident in gay couples where both partners are of the same physical sex but energetically they are of the opposite pole. One among them has predominant masculine energy and the other feminine energy.
For a relationship to be stable, there has to be a balance of masculine and feminine energy. If both partners have predominantly masculine energy, they will both have very clearly defined goals and ways of doing things and they are destined to clash and eventually fall out. If both partners are predominantly feminine, they will both wait to be acted upon and eventually they stop growing, and we all know, what stops growing, dies.
Compatibility of temperaments
This is a very important factor in compatibility. It is not about having the opposite temperament or the same temperament, it is about if the temperaments of two individuals can lead to a long lasting, stable relationship.
Let’s take an example of one parameter – aggressively reactive v/s calm and non-reactive. Two people with calm temperament are compatible, one with an excitable temperament and other with calm temperament are also compatible, but two people of excitable or basting or aggressive temperament are not compatible as they will constantly lose energy in reacting to each other.
Therefore understanding the temperament and considering their compatibility is a deciding factor in lasting relationships.
The list of parameters can go on and on, but in most cases, if a couple is compatible on these three factors, they have very bright chances of creating a lasting and harmonious relationship where they can always go deeper.
Most often we people fall in love, the energy of attraction blinds them to even consider such important factors like compatibility of core values – are we both eventually going in the same direction? Fortunately, while the eye of the mind is blinded by the power of romantic love, the eye of vedic astrology is as sharp as ever and brings out a perfect picture of compatibility.
“Life is too short to waste a single day on someone who’s not right for you, your feelings are too precious to shower on someone who won’t reflect them and your heart is too scared to rent it to someone who will shatter it one day. Choose wisely. “
– Dhruv Mehta, spiritual explorer, astrologer and counselor
Listen to the episode with Dhruv Mehta